Sunday, 30 April 2017


Starring Vin Dissel, Dwayne Johnson, Jason Statham, Michelle Rodriguez, Tyrese Gibson, Chris Bridges, Schott Eastwood, Mathalie Emmanuel, Elsa Pataky, Kurt Russell and Charlize Theron. Written by Chris Morgan. Directed by F. Gary Gary. Budget $250 million. Running time 136 minutes.

So the plot. Jesus H. Pigging Christ, that's an ask. Vin Dissel's Dom Toretto goes 'rogue' when Charlize Theron big baddie cyber-terrorist Cipher black mails him with a single photo and sets him off on a globe trotting mission to steal various macguffins to build something really bad, probably to do with technology and stuff. Anyways, this makes him a wanted man by Kurt Russell's Mr. Nobody who brings the rest of Ding Dom's 'family' together to catch him. To do this he gives them an unlimited budget and any car they want and off they go driving around the world, causing a terrible amount of collateral damage to property and innocent human lives. He also gives them Jason Statham and Scott Eastwood to fill out the numbers. Cue utterly ridiculous action sequences including a chase with a submarine and loads and loads and loads and loads and loads of car chases. This isn't the best Fast and Furious film, that's still number 5, the one in Brazil. But that said, it's still a stupidly silly action flick with lots of stunts and close up of young woman's bottoms dance in slow motion.

Ignoring some odd issues and decisions and continuity problems, and old grievances this offering has nothing new to offer and nothing as spectacular as the triple building jump number 6 or the safe chase in number 5. Still it's alright, just not that fast nor furious. Best thing in this is Dwayne and Statham who deserve their own spin off movie.

Sorry, I can't let this lie, that sub chase featured in the poster and the trailer. It just doesn't work. Top speed of a nuclear sub is 65 kmh or 40 mph. Those cars could outrun the sub in first gear. Or, just turn around. Oh and don't get me started on the remote control cars, like 'who's steering them?' Or the bit where Dim Weasel rolls out of a burning car at over a 100 mph and suffers a somewhat scuffed elbow, or the bit with the wrecking ball or the fact our 'heroes' murder so many people without any apparent guilt, or kicking a torpedo out of the way, or...


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