Sunday, 17 July 2016


Starring Jesse Eisenberg, Mark Ruffalo, Woody Harrelson, Dave Franco, Daniel Radcliffe, Lizzy Caplan, Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine.

Written by Ed Solomon. Directed by Jon M. Chu. Budget, $90 million, 129 minutes running time.

This is a dreadful, awful, stupid, bloated piece of shit. An unwanted sequel to a terrible movie which claimed to be all about magic.

With a story so convoluted and shit I can't be arsed to explain it, with dreadful performances, awful dialogue and some of the shittest CGI effects you've seen in ages. Seriously this is a piss awful piece of excrement. The story is complicated and convoluted, indeed the actors don't seem to know what the fuck's going on and they've read the script.

Coming across as a wannabe Ocean's 11 this hairy ball bag of a movie sees the Four Horse Men one year after the tedium of the last effort waiting patiently for the unseen Eye (the organisation behind the scene) to do something with them. But all it does is keep them dangling for no apparent reason. Meanwhile, Ruffallo's world class magician character moonlights as a FBI agent in charge with arresting the Four Horsemen for something they've done. And Morgan's character who got jailed at the end of the last film for killing Ruffallo's character's dad threatens revenge and Michael Caines' stupidly rich character who got shafted last time for being a baddy seeks revenge too, and Daniel Radcliffe's character, who's the bastard son of Caine's character also wants revenge because of what the Horsemen did to his dad and a macguffin is dragged into the proceedings that the Horsemen need to steal or else...

Or else what? I don't know, indeed I frankly don't care.

Bollocks, pure and simple. Piss poor, lazy, lacking in anything entertaining, using fake  tricks all achieved with bad CGI and a plot so convoluted that when it's finally revealed what's just happened you just don't give one fuck.

Just don't bother, really, just don't. This is shit with a capital everything. All the characters are wankers, they all deserve to die in ditches or in a safe dropped to the bottom of the sea. I hate them all. I hate the twats that wrote this shit. I hate the director. This is ugly, lazy, bloated, stupid CGI crammed crap. With not one single thing to recommend it. Seriously shit.

Trying hard to say one nice thing about it but I can't. Jessie Eisenberg is woeful, even the usually good for value Woody Harleson is bad in this. And Caine, Caine, Caine, Caine. You deserve better than this, he even employs a stunt double to enter a car. Franco has a face you want to punch and token female character replacing thingie from the first film is just grating.

God, and how many times are they going to use the "3,2,1 - you're hypnotised' gag in this film, every other character gets hypnotised. Oh and the playing cards, flung with abandon every other scene.

I would rather watch Grimsby again than watch this shit.




1 comment:

  1. Just heard from the producers. They want to use "a dreadful, awful, stupid, bloated piece of shit." on the posters...