Saturday, 18 June 2016


Starring Johnny Depp, Mia Wasikowska, Sacha Baron Cohen, Helena Bonham Carter, Anne Hathaway and Matt Lucas. Written by Linda Woolverton and directed by James Bobin. 123 minutes long, $160 million budget.

Alice comes home from sailing the seven seas as a sea captain only to be locked up as a loony by her jilted fiancee from the first film before escaping into Underland through a mirror only to discover the Mad Hatter is dying and Alice needs to travel back in time to save his life. However to do that she must do battle with the demented Red Queen (Helena Bonham Carter) and Time (Sacha Baron Cohen) himself.

Cue garish, 123 minutes of overblown, uncanny valley CGI, OTT acting courtesy of Johnny ("What hat shall I wear for this performance") Depp and the ever shrieking Helena Bonhma Carter.

Sharing nothing at all with the source material save for the title, this is typical Hollywood serial fair, more of the same but bigger, much, much bigger! Plus a threat that threatens the whole of the Underworld and a great big race against the clock, in this case -literally) towards the great big ending where the status quo is restored, and old and new enemies become friends, all wrapped up with incongruously inaccurate historical bollocks.

This film is like a great big bag of candyfloss. It looks like it should be wonderful, but the first bite dissolves leaving nothing of substance just a sweetness that so wears off leaving you feel a little queasy. It's an utterly empty experience, one that will leave no memory of its existance once its over, indeed I doubt seriously you'll ever think of it again once you've left the theater, two hours later. Although I bet you go home craving something with a little substance, I know I did. I went home and watched all of Ben Hur in glorious HD widescreen.

Seriously don't bother with this, it's an ugly, garish, empty, shallow grotty little greed machine with nothing to recommend it at all, they even squander the Cheshire Cat which in itself is a shameful travesty.

Avoid, unless you want to develop mental diabetics.


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