Saturday, 30 April 2016

#31 CRIMINAL


Starring Kevin Costner, Gary Oldman, Tommy Lee Jones, Ryan Reynolds, Alice Eve, Gal Gadot, Michael Pitt and Jordi Mollà.

Written by Douglas Cook and David Weisberg. Directed by Ariel Vromen. 113 minutes long. Budget $31.5 million.

London-based CIA killing-machine and loving husband and father, BILL POPE (Ryan Reynolds) knows something that everyone else, except JERICHO STEWART (Kevin Costner) wants to know too...

The location of super, chain-smoking cyber-hacker JAN STROOP (Michael Pitt). Why? Because he has the MacGuffin of course! The thingie-gadget, what-not-do-dar that will let international, super-rich, media-loving terrorist XAVIER HEIMBAHL (Jordi Mollà) do something really, really bad. So when Pope is killed! No, not The Pope - leader of the Catholic Church, but Pope - Bill Pope - Ryan Reynolds, the home-loving super spy, the CIA headed by permanently angry QUAKER WELLS (Gary Oldman) is forced to recruit DR. FRANKS (Tommy Lee Jones) – a genius inventor-type bloke who has perfected a way of transferring memories between gerbils – in the hope he can access the memories from the, still-warm, corpse of Bill Pope.

Dr. Franks(enstein) transfers the memories of BILL POPE into the brain of a convicted, empathy-lacking, emotionless, death-row inmate, JERICHO STEWART (Kevin Costner) in the hope he will tell them where Pope stashed Jan. After all that build up, and it's a long time building, Pope spectacularly escapes, gets captured and escapes again, Jan Stroop stages a missile hi-jack in an attempt to sell the MacGuffin to the Ruskies, the baddy sics his psycho henchwoman, MARTA LYNCH on everybody to find Stroop and Jericho and Jericho discovers emotions and feelings thanks to Pope's memory transplant and connects with his widow and young daughter in a sequence that's oddly reminiscent of Jame Whale's 1931 horror classic, Frankenstein. All before the obligatory abduction of the innocent wife and child and the race against time with everybody converging on the location of the what-not-do-dah in a violence-packed, action homage to the finale of It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, World!

This is, without doubt the most brainless and ridiculously silly action film I've seen in ages.
 

A ridiculous and genuinely silly action film that is nevertheless an utterly and thoroughly enjoyable romp filled with outlandish action, copious amounts of violence and Kevin Costner, positively relishing the role. This is also a film with a hero who kills innocent victims and members of the police with utter impunity, who horrifically beats, nearly to death, a plumber so he can steal his van while at the same time enjoying his first lamb kebab.

This has all your favourite action film tropes including a shoot-out at a private airport and a delightful way of getting round London which will make any Londoner howl with delight.

Silly, ridiculous and thoroughly entertaining. The perfect Saturday night special.

7/10

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