Friday, 8 April 2016


Starring Chris Hemsworth, Jessica Chastain, Emily Blunt, Charlize Theron, Nick Frost, Rob Brydon, Sheridan Smith and Alexandra Roach.

Written by Craig Mazin and Evan Spiliotopoulos. Directed by Cedric Nicolas-Troyan. Budget $115 million. Running time 114 minutes long.

It's the Prequel/sequel no one asked for, or wanted. Starting off with the origin story of the Huntsman (Hemsworth), his unrequited (until it's quited) love interest, Sara (Jessica Chastain), along with the wicked, mirror-obsessed, 'Evil Queen'- Ravenna (Charlize Theron) and her sister, Freya (Emily Blunt) and then fast forwarding 7 years to bring us up to speed for the sequel part. With so many strong female characters, it's a shame then that Hemsworth, swapping his trusty hammer for a couple of axes is the main focus of the poster and the film particularly since he's the most wooden and least interesting of all the main characters.

This fantastically dull adventure plod sees Hemp and Chas abducted as children by the Freya to be part of her army of children brought up not to believe in love, fall in love when they're adults and then meeting up and getting their nasty back on, off, on, off etc etc.

A dull, dreary, drude through a middling chilly landscape of wet autumn as our band of dull, dreary, dullards trudge after the Queen's mirror so it doesn't fall into the baddies hands, I wonder how that will turn out? Along the way, Hemp and Chas fall in and out of love more times than I could care less, accidentally point out all the stupid plot holes, and engage in a rigorous bout of - Cliche Movie  Dialogue Bingo. Get the next line in dialogue before it gets spoken and win 10 points. It's fun for the whole family.

Honestly, I don't really remember that much about this. The first movie in this pointless series, if two can be said to be a series, saw the Huntsman team up with Snow White to kill the wicked Queen, this one sees the Huntsman recruited to take the mirror to sanctuary to save the realm, while the wicked Queen's hither-to unknown sister, Freya suffers a terrible love-induced trauma that sees her widowed and bereaved in the same night, which leads her to develop super ice powers and go a bit doolally head off oop-North to build an army of love-adverse child soldiers who wage war against somebody (it's never really gone into), for some reason (not really explained) towards some end, (never actually established). So, Hemp and Chas, both former child soilders in Freya's army fall in love (what, really? I never saw that coming in an army built of children raised not to believe in love) get separated by the Ice Queen and lead to believe the other is dead or that they betrayed the other. Then they meet up, bicker, fall in and out of love and meet up with some truly awful dwarfs lead by a terrible Nick Frost and a seriously dreadful Rob Brydon find and lose the mirror, battle some hybrid monkey/orcs all before Ravenna turns up again and they all have a bit of a ruck, that sees all the other former child soilders realise the error of their ways, along with Freya who discovers who's really behind all her misery, spoiler alert, it's her wicked sister. and then it sort of stops, bumping against the kerb sort of stopping and you traipse out wandering if you'd left the gas on.

Really pointless. 3/10 don't know what for, but I'm sure there was one thing I liked about? Oh yes the wardrobe department deserve a shout out, Theron's costumes were stupendous. Oh and there isn't a massive fight in a field between two massive CGI armies, so that's a blessed relief.

Please Baby Jesus, please let this one be the last.


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