Thursday, 8 January 2015

#4: TAKEN 3

#4: TAKEN 3  (8-1-15)

Starring Liam Nesson, Forrest Whittaker.

Written by Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen.

Directed by Olivier Megaton

112 minutes way too long.

"Pop Quiz, hot shot." to borrow a phrase from a vastly superior action film.

Question 1. You return home to find the body of your ex-wife lying dead on your bed, her throat has been cut from ear to ear. How much blood is there?

Question 2. You've captured a gang leader and are holding a gun to his head to interrogate him. Rather than answer your questions he forces your gun into his own mouth and pulls your trigger, blowing his head off. How much blood is there?

Question 3. You survive a brutal ballet of bullets and batterings in the main bad man's lair and finally fatally shot him twice in the naked torso. How much blood is there?

Answers. None what so ever! Particularly if this is Taken 3, a 12A action film.

This is a shit film, no point beating about the bush, it's just shit. It's lazy, dull and so filled with plot holes it's like the two writers responsible emptied machine guns into the script. Actually, I was surprised to discover that writers were involved in this sorry mess, I'd just assumed everybody involved just turned up and winged it, making it up as they went along.

The whole cast from Liam down to Sherod Ogletree and Erick Wofford just looks bored, mind-bogglingly bored. Liam more so than the others. The plot, is the very definition of dull. Nesson's Bryan Miles wife is killed, he's framed and a gang of Russian mobsters seem to be gunning for him. Nesson goes on the run to prove his innocent while, over-acting Whittaker (his character doesn't get a name) is the police man on his trail. What follows is lack-lustre jogging from the elderly Nesson as he gently out lops the coppers and goes 'off grid' to use his particular skill set to avenge his dead ex-wife and save his now pregnant daughter from any disaster and the baddies.

What makes this sorry sack of rancid shit even harder to stomach is how terribly piss poor the direction is. Seriously, if you thought the writing was terrible and it is, then the direction will leave your eyes bleeding, utilising both a frenzied editing style that ensures that no action gets less than 90 cuts per minute and a shaky cam boot to disguise the action, ensuring you can be safe that you'll have not the foggiest what's going on. But that's not a bad thing, it does mean you can bring your under 12s along and not fear for them seeing anything gruesome or violent because seriously, they'll not be able to work out what the fuck is going on either.

Like the truly horrific Die Hard 5, this film gives not one jot about collatoral damage and you too can marvel at the high number of civilian deaths that Miles is partly responsible for. How this demented serial killer can avoid any sanction for the sheer number deaths he causes is boggling.

And who the hell decided that making this sort of film accessed by under 12s, if accompanied by an adult, was a good idea? They need to hang their heads in shame. No self-respecting parent would allow their child to see this, it's not fantasy violence, this is violence presented in a real world. And kids just won't care about watching a man older than their grandparents stumble round supposedly killing people, but I can't be sure.

I blame Expendable 2 & 3. Seriously, what is wrong is a full-blown 18 cert action film, I'd even settle for a 15, but no more 12As please, it's ugly and feels like a cheap ploy to try and squeeze money out of the audience.

Just shit, don't bother. Just watch the first one again.



  1. Stop reading between the lines, Alan. I loved it!