Wednesday, 16 April 2014



Directed by Marc Webb, starring Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Jamie Foxx and Dean DeHaan.

$200 million dollars.

142 minutes.

Two good moments. Sadly they're at opposite ends of the film. And in the middle, 140 minutes of bland tedium. Terrible characters, over-wrought CGI, angst ridden pap and over written, waffling  guff. I really didn't care about any of these one dimension characters, apart from Norman Osborne, up to the point he becomes yet another boring super villain cackling evilly as he twiddles his mustache.

Plot, if you're interested, one group of pixels wants something to stop something and another group wants to stop them before something happens. Sometimes the pixels are portrayed by actual actors but mostly not. Some characters motivations and behaviours change depending on what is required of them. Then there's just lots of bashing and crashing and punching all to little effect. Oh and some characters just turn up to remind Peter of blah blah, waffle, waffle. yadda yadda yadda. Before another bout of pixels punching other pixels.

It's only been an hour since the end of the film and already I'm having trouble remembering much about it, but I think it had something to do with Osborne wanting Spider Man's blood and Peter Parker's off and on again chaste relationship with Gwen. Oh and then there was some stuff with Electro who also wanted Spider Man because he didn't come to his birthday party. Actually I didn't make up that last bit.

Don't get me wrong, the pixels punching other pixels was jolly good, the fabric and wripple effects worked brilliantly, as did the bits of Spider Man swinging along through the city, they all worked really well. But the rest of it from the pointless shaky cam to the lazy script, well I just couldn't care less.

But don't worry, if you loved the first of the Amazing Spider Man films, you're gonna love this one! It's got everything you need from Spider Man 2.0.

Me, I think I'll stick with the Sam Raimi versions, even the 3rd one was better than this long, boring, pointless and utterly un-engaging cash cow. The one good thing about it, it wasn't as terrible as the first one.

The threat of more of these just fills me with inertia.


1 comment:

  1. That's a shame, but pretty well what I expected. Hand it over to Marvel.