Sunday, 2 February 2014



90 mins you'll never get back.

Voice actors include: That bloke from Modern Family and the remake of Dawn of the Dead, a couple of kids you've never heard of and Steven Colbert. Directed by that bloke who directed the Lion King by going, 'draw that line a little more to the left. Now draw that one going up, not down.' AND Mel Brooks, whom I hope lives long enough to make at least one more film, otherwise this will mark a sad full-stop to a wonderful career.

I recently vowed a blood oath never again go and see a kid's animated movie as long as I live on pain of death. Unless it was from Pixar. Or the sequel to How to Train Your Dragon-Tattooed Lady. Or if it was stop-motion animation. Or Aardman. Look, I swore I'd stop seeing generic, made by committee pap, okay? So when Baxter, whom I'm not blaming for this, made a deal with me, 'I'll come with you to see Jack Ryan Shite Recruit if you come and see Mr. Pissbody and Shitman with me', I thought, 'okay, the trailer looks fun, i'll give it a go.'

Big mistake, BIG mistake.

Actually it's not that big a mistake, it a 'meh' mistake, for a 'meh' film, for a very odd little film, one that's both a throw back and a terrible updated mess. There's the belief in the Dreamworks studios that in kid's animated movie you have to shoe-horn in the occasional adult gag or reference, you know the sort of gag us parents laugh at and our under fives shout-whisper, 'WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING, DADDY, WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT THE WORD, PISS FLAPS?' You get the idea.

Anyway, Mr. Pissbody and Shitman take this idea to a whole new level, a level previously un-mined and undreamed of! For they (the makers of this film) have decided to fill a kid's animated film with jokes only adults will get, but not smutty jokes or rude jokes but jokes and cultural references for things that at least two generations of children just won't get, I mean Kirk Douglas as Spartacus for fuck's sake and Albert Einstein!? All of the humour of this film comes from complicated puns uttered by Mr. Pissbody, puns that Shitman laughs at then says, 'I don't get it.' throughout the entire film, reflecting the entire child audience of the cinema. Plus Pissbody talks in long, complicated sentences in a monotone voice with words that are convoluted and unemotional.

On top of that, you have a film whose only girl character has to be constantly rescued, over-and-over again to the extent that on one occassion she snags her dress on a nail and can't pull it free, oh and she get betrothed to King Tut, until she finds out she'll be killed if he dies and has to be rescued.

So, anyway, in a nutshell, Shitman - the adopted son of a super-intelligent, taking, dog with the IQ of about a 1000 who isn't killed by humanity as a freak the minute he's born but allowed to adopt an abandoned boy he finds in a box. Seven years later said boy, Shitman starts at school where he befriends the Asian boy and the boy in a wheelchair before being bullied by the blonde cutie who calls him a dog. Push comes to shove, or bite, Shitman bites girl, Pissbody is threatened with being deprived of his son and cooks a dinner party for parent of the bitten valley girl. Over the course of the evening both kids use Pissbody's time machine and disaster and hilarity ensues.

Then it's a race through time and a stop off with Leonardo Divinci and the Mona Lisa, who (shock-horror) won't smile, a trip to Troy and a bunch of macho soliders hiding in a wooden horse and a couple of other historical figures before the obligatory race against time to save the world from destruction.

Animation is solid, it looks good and the action is fun. But beyond that, it's just a great big whooping MEH.

Kids might enjoy it, my two didn't that much.


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