Sunday, 29 December 2013


The Hobbit – The Desolation of Smaug 
161 minutes

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, picking up where the last one left off. Thank god for that, otherwise it'd be even longer. This is part two of the Hobbit, The half way point, just one more film to go.

Just go to the loo before the start and avoid drinking coke, this is long, very long, one of the longest, if not the longest film of the year. Plus it's in 3D so the glasses become irritating and for some of you it's in the new exciting 48 frame rate!
So, what do you get for you money? Well, lots and lots of dwarfs fighting, arguing, bickering, grumping, running, walking, grumping, bickering, fighting. You get a lot of fighting but since none of our characters are going to die absolutely no threat or jeopady. At no point do our hero's victory seem anything less that assured. And the orcs, jesus, if you thought Storm Troopers were shit you ain't seen nothing! orcs are rubbish, absolutely rubbish, couldn't hit the side of a barn if they were stood with their noses squashed against it. Rubbish they are. It's no wonder Salamander needs so many of them they have a life expectancy of about a week.

So, what of the film. Well if I'm honest I fell asleep twice, but that will teach me to see a film at a midday screening. One of those sleeps happened at during the fantastically long battle sequence that's glimpsed in the trailer, when our drawf friends are in barrels, that sequence went on so long I fell asleep and woke up and it was still going on. The second sleep happened during the also, fantastically long sequence with the dragon, on and on and on that one goes, when it'll stop nobody knows. Actually that's quite true, because without any warning the film just stops and the credits run, this film has no natural ending, it's like when ITV stick on the news at 10 slap in the middle of a film, sometimes in the middle of a senten

ce, just like that. It just ends and it'll be a whole year before we find out if the drawves, Gandalf and the Hobbit win or lose, gosh I just don't know how it's going to end, it could go either way.

Is it any good? Well yes it is, it's far better than the first, the action is better handled and the animation which takes up a good 99.9 % of this film is near perfect. Of the actors Martin Freeman and Magneto are good as is Luke Evans, the others are drawves and they're just bloody irratating.

Good well made fun. 8/10

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