Alas I didn't get to the cinema this weekend, instead I spent most of it stuck on trains traveling to and from Wales, a journey always more enjoyable on the way back.
Anyway, there I was stuck in the 'quiet carriage' which was as it should be since I was producing SBD*s all the way there, bored when what should I spy being watched two seats forward on the other side of the aisle with the subtitles on?
Only the comedy film, Wild Hogs staring John Travolta, Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence and William Macy! With supporting cast that included Ray Liotta, Marisa Tomei and Peter Fonda!
So much talent, so much shit, so ghastly, so unfunny, so generic, so embarrassing, so perfect as a metaphor for a journey to Wales.
Seriously how do films like this get made? And how does talent of the likes of Liotta and Marisa Tomei make peace with themselves after that sort of thing? I mean I know the old story of these actors needing to pay their mortgages and I believe it, but come on, please tell me they at least sacked their agents?
I laughed twice, and both of those times involved William Macy falling off his motorbike and getting smacked in the face.
What I hated most was that there had to be a valuable life lesson learned by our four biker dude buddies, about friendship and trust and being honest and 'living-the-dream' and blah blah blah.
And talking about friendship, there's a total lack of chemistry between these four juggernauts of the silverscreen. There's no way they'd hang out together in the real-world and it shows up there on the screen. You just know that the second the director drunkenly slurred the word 'cut' into his megaphone on the final shot, that those four actors didn't even wait for the word to end before they were out of there, dropping their costumes on the ground before climbing into their limos, cursing the name of their co-stars and wishing they had half the talent of William 'smack-me-in-the-face-again' Macy.
Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe these four friends do gather in the 'real world' to share a brew and dog. Maybe, they have film nights (I imagine it's on a Wednesday, to break up the week) where they gather to watch each others films. The odd thing is, that whenever is Martin Lawrence's turn, the other three are always busy. But don't worry Martin still sits back and watches them.
The sad thing is, despite all of that, this was still the highlight of my weekend.
*Silent But Deadly